I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
