Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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