How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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