ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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