I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
