he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
