I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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