Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
