suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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