I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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