Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
