I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
