sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
