The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
