My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
