but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
