Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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