dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
