So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
