I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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