R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
