I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
