if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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