you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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