Screwed.edu
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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