Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
