I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
