remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
