Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
