The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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