For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
