I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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