I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
