Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
