how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
