i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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