Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
