It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
