____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
