I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
