that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
