I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
