Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
