come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am naked and annoyed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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