goodnight i made you a song goodbye
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
