I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
