I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
