Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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