my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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