It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
